A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department
store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world - you could get
anything there.

The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before? "Yes", I
was a salesman in the country", said the lad. The boss liked the cut
of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you
when we close up".

The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o'clock
came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, "How many sales did
you make today?". "One" said the young salesman. "Only one" blurted
the boss, "Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was
the sale worth??. "Three hundred thousand, three hundred and thirty
four dollars" said the young man.

"How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.

"Well", said the salesman "this man came in and I sold him a small
fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I
sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I
asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I
said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat
department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin
engines.

Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I

took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Land
Cruiser"

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all
that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?"

"No" answered the salesman. He came in to buy a box of Tampons for
his wife and I said to him, "Sounds like the weekend's a loss, you may
as well go fishing".

Real Men

Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous.  A night of tall tales begins.
The first says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands."

The second can't stand to be bested.  "Why that's nothing.  I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me.  I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off, and sucked the poison down in one gulp ... and I'm still here today."

The third cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.

Wishes Come True

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.
"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.

Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."

Born on  a Pirate Ship

A guy talking to a Pirate (The Pirate has a wooden leg, a hook for a hand and an eye patch): What happened to your leg?
Pirate: Well ... It was a stormy night, the main spar fell on my leg. My ship was headed for the rocks, I had to take my faithful pocket knife and cut my leg off so I could steer my ship away from the rocks.

Guy: What happened to your hand?

Pirate: Well ... I was fishin', got too close to the water when a big ol' shark came along and bit my hand clean off. Got this nifty hook when we got to port.

Guy: What about your eye?

Pirate: Well ... I was lookin' up when this sea gull pooped in my eye.

Guy: Surely that didn't cause you to lose an eye?

Pirate: Well...Ya see, it was my first day with the hook.