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Things a Redneck Would Never Say...

  • "I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex"

  • Duct tape won't fix that.

  • Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.

  • Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.

  • We don't keep firearms in this house.

  • Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?

  • You can't feed that to the dog.

  • I thought Graceland was tacky.

  • No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.

  • Wrasslin's fake.

  • Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

  • We're vegetarians.

  • Do you think my hair is too big?

  • I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.

  • Honey, do these bonsai trees need watering?

  • Who's Richard Petty?

  • Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

  • Deer heads detract from the decor.

  • Spitting is such a nasty habit.

  • I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

  • Trim the fat off that steak.

  • Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

  • The tires on that truck are too big.

  • I'll have the arugula and ridicchio salad.

  •  I've got it all on a floppy disk.

  • Unsweetened tea tastes better.

  • Would you like you fish poached or broiled?

  • My fiancée, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

  • I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

  • Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.

  • Checkmate.

  • She's too old to be wearing a bikini.

  • Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

  • Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

  • I don't have a favorite college team.

  • Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.

  • I believe you cooked those green beans too long.

  • Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.

  • Elvis who?

 

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